British Isles Cruise 2015 – Chapter 1

Dover Castle on the horizon

I’ve travelled to India and China but I have never been to the Grand Canyon.  In the same vein, I have been to almost every major eastern and western country in Europe but I have failed to visit Ireland and Scotland. I hope to correct the former deficiency sometime in the near future. For the now, this present outing will rectify the latter shortsighted failing. 

After a not too unpleasant two-legged flight from Honolulu to London, we found our way to Dover for the night. In the morning, we cabbed to the Dover Castle for a few hours of tourist gazing, which we found fascinating. To be sure, the massive Dover Castle was filled with history and intrigue. The historically accurate refurbished interior of the massive Keep, the underground tunnels including a fully equipped hospital, the strong fortifications and impermeable barriers that held a perfect record of withstanding foreign invaders, King Henry II contentious relationship with Thomas Becket (St Thomas of Canterbury) who he later had brutally killed fill pages of wonderful and interesting historical truths (assuming this possibility).

Finding our way back to the cruise ship harbor, our cruise ship eventually slipped into the sea revealing a long awaited extended view of the White Cliffs of Dover.  On close inspection, the cliffs needed a little whitewashing.  But to me they were spectacular less for their “off-white color” but rather from the spooned out appearance that formed the cliffs, with carved out drastically vertical cuts rudely interrupting the otherwise smooth and fluid rolling green horizontal terrain.   

DAY 3: We missed the first two ports of call due to inclement weather.  That was sad for us because we were looking forward to visiting Guernsey due to its significance in WWII being the only British land that was occupied by the Germans as beautifully described in the literary best seller – “The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society” book that almost everyone I know has read.  So the captain decided to divert the Crystal Serenity to Cork, Ireland in its stead.  We were then left with an additional day at sea (AKA sea day) to ponder our fate in a rough ocean spilling over with a treacherous blend of wind and rain that carelessly slapped the Crystal Serenity to-and-fro, fro-and-to, and to-and-fro. Indeed, it was the perfect storm set to do the most damage to the greatest number of cruisers as the ship rocked back and forth repeatedly like a toy in a bathtub occupied by a agitated toddler!

It was unsettling to walk down the ships corridors; thank God for the strategically placed guardrails.  Of course it was near hell for me to even attempt participating in social dancing at the Palm Court; everyone looked worse than a beginner trying to dance after inhaling a bottle of vodka.  But otherwise, life went on as usual in the world of the luxury cruise ship and people did what people do best in this or any other situation – they ate.  And ate they did!

Nor rain, nor wind, nor malfunctioning toilets, nor unexpected and unpredictable electrical problems, widespread nausea and seasickness, physical limitations and obvious chronic medical conditions, age, sex or body type, in short nothing in the world short of a titanic level disaster would stop the unrelenting procession of cruisers from one meal venue to the next.  To be sure, there was almost nowhere that you could venture on the cruise ship that you were not inundated by the sounds and sights and smells of more food than you could ever imagine being consumed. 

For lunch, there were at least five venues you could eat at or you could eat at all of them in sequence and not be noticed for overindulging.  Everything looked yummy, but not everything was tasty at all times. I focused on the fruit in the morning, one egg white from a boiled egg separated from its yolk, and ½ piece of an English muffin (OK, I admit that I also ate the other half!).  Most people ate some amount of meat like bacon or sausage.  Meat was the big item that was consumed at lunchtime as well as dinner. Beef, lamb, veal, pork, chicken, there was never a shortage.  The same could be said for shellfish; shrimp, lobster, clams, muscles, scallops, and crab.

And to be sure, for every one salmon burger that was prepared and served at lunchtime, a hundred meaty cheeseburgers and fries found their way into the GI track of an ostensible lot of ravaged cruisers that acted like they were eating their first meal in two months.  I can even visualize the burger grease melting into the blood and traveling to the descending coronary artery to settle in for a long stay by burrowing its tentacles into the vessel’s intimal wall, thereby limiting normal blood flow - by reducing the radius of the vessel caused by the glob of gunk glued permanently to the inner wall.

Now, you know I’m prone to exaggerating this eating craze on Crystal Cruises because of my own obsessive and pitiful bias against those gluttonous individuals who lack the wisdom and willpower to moderate their fuel intake.  These folks eat with abandon and do not give a shit whether their waistline expands weekly like they would wish their stock portfolio would do.  In fact, most people on the ship displayed a modicum of restraint.

But still it has becomes more difficult with every days’ passing to maintain any hope that I can continue indefinitely to watch my diet and care one iota about my waste line and all that!  Most days it takes the most strength to pass up the temptation to just let it all hang out – grab for food like everyone else and enjoy the tastes that I have sworn to avoid for the sake of some distant benefit that will translate itself to a few days more on earth sans disability…….

DAY 4: Well, even if kissing the Blarney Stone at the Blarney Castle in Cork didn’t make me more eloquent, it hasn’t changed my overly verbose writing style and my propensity for writing long winded and difficult to follow run on sentences.  I will continue to work on this.

But in Cork, the Blarney Castle and its grounds were filled quite lovely, interesting and very peaceful, including the Poison Garden, the eye ball garden fronting the castle, and the beautiful and expanded landscape filled with mature trees perfectly situated to pose on. If you are interested, Cork is Ireland’s second largest city. 

DAY 5: The seas are better on the next day, as it feels like we’re on nearly solid ground.  Viva la difference!  Arriving in Holyhead, Wales.

The light of the Lighthouse

In Holyhead, our excursion took us to visit the South Stack Lighthouse.  To get there, we took a bus and then had to trek more than 1000 steps (down and up to get back and forth).  It was blustery day but the jaunt was still doable, well worth the effort.  And the effort that was taken ended up atoning for the big lunch that I have just consumed which I shall not describe, one I am not proud of, or want to experience again!!!  The majestic beauty of the surrounding area, not to mention the commotion made by thousands of birds nestled into the side of the adjoining cliffs and flying about was a special and spectacular treat.  A few pictures are indeed worth a thousand words.

And so ends Chapter 1 of my travel adventure.  Now I need to ready myself for Liverpool and the home of the Beatles.