Scherer Grace James Easa ( July 20, 1941-1995)

The surface of the bench at Fosters Botanical Garden
In remarkably good condition after 18 years!

Her beautiful smile

Taken from Scherer's bench at Foster's
Botanical Garden.

Yesterday was the birth date of my wife, Scherer Grace James Easa.  It is also almost the 18^th anniversary since her passing.  The truth is that the emergence of every July evokes memories of my past life with Scherer – a month in which she was both born and died in.  She would have been 72 years old. We were married for 25 years.

A special event was being held at the Fosters Botanical Garden that day, and my daughter Leila invited me to trail along.  A special memorial bench was still sitting in its designated place, a product of the love and kindness of her friends after Scherer’s passing.  I used to visit it frequently but have not done so in the last few years….actually I can’t remember how long it had been.

The bench was remarkably in good shape – I was surprised.  Every time I go, I feel a fresh sense of sadness, grief and weakness that I cannot shake. Eighteen years is a long time. But it always feels like yesterday when I think of the hurt of those last few months, last few days, last few moments.

No woman in my life was more special than Scherer. Intelligent, funny, kind, gracious, glamorous, self assured, she was a complete person.  She never hesitated to make decisions when she felt the urge. She never wavered in her belief in herself, in her children, her family, in me, and most of all God!  She was the family’s religious leader although she kept on pestering me to accept this role that I could not relish. She enjoyed her family above all else – meaning mostly her children as I grew more grumpy and set in my ways as time passed. She was really good at prioritizing her life, reducing the clutter, simplifying her daily routine.  

Identifying those with faces in the picture: left to right.
Susan, Sally, Scherer, and Sid - hummm every name
starts with S!  Taken at the Moana Hotel.

Talented as a writer, she had many opportunities at work, but chose spending time observing our children growing up.  Maybe she somehow knew she had little time on earth to enjoy them.  She read three to five books a week, all from the public library, all written by female authors.  She was the best read person I have ever known.  She spent her time happily alone at home and admitted to me that she would react to my eventual retirement as an invasion on her privacy.  When not choosing to be alone, she spent her time with a few close friends, mostly at Bible study, talking story, or at special events sipping tea at the Moana Hotel. She always remembered everyone's birthday, always wrote thank you notes for anything and everything, never let a holiday or religious event pass without making a full effort, was always gracious and proper....she was the perfect Southern Lady.  She could be taken anywhere and fit in naturally. Thank God she taught me how to schmooze, although I was only a so-so student.

We never got to enjoy the later years of family life with Scherer’s life being cut short at age 54.  We never got a chance to do the travelling that we talked about doing as the children progressed through college on their quest to self discovery and independence (by the way, not sure when the independence part will come). We never had a chance to wind down, spend time exploring new adventures and rediscovering ourselves and what we have become. 

Twenty five years is a long time but it is also a short time. Two children, a house, we went shopping together, rode bikes together, we swam together, ate out together, to movies, plays and concerts, we ran a marathon together (1982), we took walks together, we traveled together with and without the children. We did so many things to support the children in school, in sports and in leisure, it seemed like we had little time for anything else. But we did have time for ourselves. We even danced together for about a year, probably the last new adventure that we experienced together - initiated with group classes of the Hawaii Ballroom Association held at Keolu Elementary School in Enchanted Lakes.  We were together during the best of times and the worst of times…in Louisville, in San Diego and in Honolulu.  We trusted each other, we loved each other.  She forgave me my faults, and I forgave her for being self righteous. She was my wife and also my best friend.  Eighteen years after her passing is a long time but not long enough to entirely dull the pain of her loss.  But I am still far luckier than most men. 

And as I have survived Scherer now by 18 years, as aging has relentless taken over my body like weeds in my yard, occurring at alarming speed as if viewed from a time lapse video, I cherish every moment of life like never before.  Never one to look back too far or too often, it was important for me to sit on Scherer’s bench yesterday and celebrate her birthday, reminisce about my previous life with her and articulate this story today in this writing.