Heritage Classic, Asheville, North Carolina – March 1-5, 2011

Another day, another dance competition!  Somehow this one was different.  I learned a lot both about dancing and also about myself.  Perhaps this was one of the most inspiring of all of the dance comps that I have attended, not because of my performance, which wasn't bad, but in spite of it. 

Our group did well, very well, and everyone reached a level of achievement beyond their previous results.  Anna Mae danced in the silver division and came out with loads of firsts and seconds.  Maria Handl came in second in smooth and 1^st in international Latin.  Marie Laderta, along with her husband, Paul won the best bronze solo award adding to their collection of monster trophies that I would love to have just one of.  Paul excelled even beyond his past achievements; his dance skills continue to improve with every competition as he competes successfully in numerous unisex divisions winning the C level multi-dance Latin scholarship and coming in second in the C division smooth scholarship.  Cole’s first time at a mainland competition was very promising; he won the best silver solo and looked great in his multi-dance scholarship events.  And me; well I really f…..ed up on the single dance smooth – dancing like a stiff and decaying corpse with rigor mortise , but otherwise, my performance was decent.  The biggest news is that I was able to add some open routines and did some of them well enough to compete successfully in the unisex single dance heats.  In addition, I was able to get third place in both smooth and standard in the multi-dance unisex scholarship heats.  For smooth it was my second time; for standard, it was my first.  Actually my standard dancing has been the worst part of my competition performance with almost no previous recognition for any of my dances, so this represented a minor breakthrough.  More about all of this later.

By the way, we were assigned great seats both at dinner and in the competition ballroom, in recognition for the large Hawaii contingency representing Divino Ritmo and the reputation of Yanna and Lucas.  Indeed, in addition to the student achievements, both Yanna and Lucas won top teacher awards! 

The venue…Grove Park Inn in Asheville North Carolina was lovely and reminded me of my North Carolina born wife of 25 years (from 1970 until 1995), filled with gentlemen and gentle ladies, open space, green, mountains, youth calling me sir, fireplaces big enough to fit a small band into and lavish friendly and warm surroundings with overstuffed chairs, tile and wood and carpeted floors and loads of open space and open high ceilings to breathe and arouse calm and serenity.  It was also an opportunity to meet up with my best friend’s brother, Mark Hellreich, a great guy and now famous pulmonary and critical care specialists who has lived in Asheville for over 20 years.  He brought along an engaging new girl friend, Michele, who left no doubt about her affection for Mark.  I think they enjoyed the last evening’s competition and performance; I enjoyed spending my first evening dinner with Mark talking about life and visiting his wonderful house in the forest.

Ostensibly, I’m hoping that these writings assist me in understanding my dance performance, what works and what doesn’t work, as well as to assist Yanna in guiding me as one of her serious students.  I no longer am interested in writing blogs to fill the pages of other Honolulu websites.  It was fun while it lasted but I’m growing weary of the work involved and recent experiences have not been rewarding. 

My competition started with my solo on Tuesday.  Overall my performance was decent, but I messed up on the timing of the early American Foxtrot part, partially because I wasn’t all that focused, partially because that part of the music shifted tempo, partially because this solo has been now performed 3 times and I’m a little bored of it, and partially because I am not a disciplined and consistent dancer.  I’d rate my performance as a B or B+.  The comments from the judges were decent and my score of 92-93 was fair.  The lesson learned here is – by God, if you’re going to do something, do it with all of your attention and skill and don’t make stupid mistakes because you are a little weary.

Wednesday was a half-day for me dancing rhythm.  I did have competition in most heats, my results were all 1^st place except for one cha cha cha heat.    My performance was better than in the past - overall, particularly my posture and stretching tall and avoiding back-weighted collapses.  However, Yanna needed to remind me of this over and over during many of the heats; she chanted commands continuously to keep my attention and focus and keep me from defaulting to my bad habits of the past.   Still I missed steps particularly in west coast swing, a dance I had not competed against since last year. 

Its very interesting that I almost never practice rhythm and while I’m not particularly good at those dances, considering the time I’ve put into practicing and all, I continue to improve my performance.  I definitely feel more comfortable in cha cha, and swing.  My rumba usually works; the other dances are so so…I guess I’m ok in the merengue, getting better in the hustle and barely passable in west coast. I’m smiling more, standing up front waited more and my steps and arms are crisper.  Overall, I would rate my performance a B to B+.  Of course the biggest thing I have to do to get better at rhythm is to improve my hip motion, something I’m working on with some rotational movement exercises that I try to do daily that was provided me as stretching exercises from my physical therapist.   I suppose the good news here is that with a little more experience, I might be ready to tackle international Latin and add some more dances to my portfolio.   Of course, that would give me a few more dances that I could share with Emi and that would make me grandly happy until that fatal day arrives.

Ok, before I leave rhythm, I have to say that the biggest problem with my performance has not yet been mentioned.  For some reason, despite the fact that you have to be pretty pathetic to not pick up the distinct beat of the rhythm dances, my timing was totally off on most of the dances…how can that be?  I have not a clue.  What was true was that Yanna was able to correct this glaring defect and saved the day.  She either muscled me into submission or I was able to submit to her not too subtle takeover message.  The good news was that as far as the rhythm dances, I was able to adjust to Yanna’s corrective actions and come out ahead.  In the end, the day was entirely too short and I left after my morning heats wondering how I would spend the rest of the day before dinner and to watch my fellow students perform in the late afternoon and evening.

Thursday came soon enough with early morning heats in what was the most dismal performance I have experienced in months.  Usually smooth is my best set of dances; this comp it was my worst….now, I’m talking about the morning single dances.  Mainly, my body responded not at all to instructions from my cerebral cortex.  Instead of stretching tall and looking up and maintaining soft knees and keeping head positioned properly to the left and tailbone forward and tummy in, the instructions from my cerebral cortex as communicated to me by Yanna were misinterpreted and misaligned.  My body felt and appeared like a frozen corpse, my left hand crushing Yanna’s; my entire being tense instead of relaxed and the entire purpose and flow of the dance fractured without style, balance, flow or elegance.  It was painful to do, painful for Yanna to have to endure and I’m sure painful for others to watch.  Somehow I managed to find my way to second place on most heats….there was one obviously good dancer who would have required a pristine showing to beat, but my other two competitors were marginal.  I would personally give myself a F- on these dances, but perhaps I am being to hard on myself….ok, I’ll take a D.

A few observations…I was not able to follow Yanna’s commands.  The more stern she was with me the more my dancing deteriorated.  So there is a point that I reach…perhaps this is a generalize able truth -  you can take supportive commands and process them, but at a certain point when the commands are too forceful or seem unsupportive, all collapses into stress related body decomposition and shutdown.  That’s truly what happened; as Yanna become more irritated with my lack of compliance, my body tensed up even more and my performance went from bad to bader to worse to dismal to pathetic to retarded to non existent.  Thank God time moves on; I wouldn’t want to relive that morning for anything.

An example to emphasize this phenomenon is my Viennese Waltz. Now I love the V Waltz and by God, I am going to concur the demons in me that make my V waltz so horrible.  The truth is that it was particularly bad this competition as compared to my last event in San Jose where I was pretty happy with my performance.  Why so?  Well, I’m sure my weak legs have something to do with it but stress related tenseness played the biggest factor I believe in how this dance came down.  I am trying so hard to make big steps.  I push and stress and get winded and my steps get choppy and small and this chain reaction continues until there is total collapse.  Truly the only V Waltz of the day that I felt personally was not so bad was the last one….by then Yanna told me not to worry, just get through it and not jeopardize the performances of the other dances that were coming in sequence – foxtrot and quickstep.   So that last V waltz, I relaxed and although I don’t think Yanna really felt much of a difference, I began feeling in synch at the end of the dance and my relaxed state did not exert any extra energy expenditure; indeed I was ready for the foxtrot calm and un-winded.  Clearly, I cannot and should not dance tense, I need to somehow adjust my body and thinking to always keep calm, listen to music and do my best to correct whatever the heck is needing my attention for that moment…

I had a four hour break from my morning single dances during which time I decided to watch a movie to get my mind off of suicidal ideations that would have been just reward for such a total breakdown in performance.  The movie kept my attention mainly with body parts and blood and pretty women flailing onto the screen in predictable and boring sequences that I have enjoyed before.  By the time I came up for breath, I had given up any thoughts at suicide and rethought my situation.   It was at that time that I realized what I had done.   I decided I needed to calm myself down and not obsess about anything, try to concentrate on all of the posture related defects in my dancing but mostly try to dance a smooth smooth.  Watch facial expression, good fluid movement and try to stay together.   When I returned to the semi final, I was not expecting too much…I had failed in the single dance mens’s B2 competition, and a miracle would have to save me from myself to perform well.  But well I performed, particularly in the semi final round.   I felt really good in all 3 dances which gave me an opportunity to compete in the final. Well, unfortunately, when I made it to the final, I got I bit nervous, never expecting to get there and now found myself competing for the gold.  In the end, I came in 3^rd which was better than I expected because I felt that all dances…Waltz, Foxtrot and Tango had minor mistakes and lacked the more pristine quality of the semi final round.   Grade on this part – OK, I’ll give myself a B+. 

The final events of the day came a few hours later – unisex open single dances, which I landed second place in two and third place in one.   I was very happy with the results as well as the ability to improve my performance in these newly added open routines without too many mistakes. 

Well I redeemed myself that day in the eyes of Yanna and also myself.  I suppose what I need here - is more consistency, more control and more confidence in performing these dances.  I feel pretty comfortable in waltz, but I need to get a better and a more consistent frame in foxtrot and also improve my technique in tango.  Bigger and bigger steps, sharper arms, more expression, and greater up and down is also what I need to concentrate on.

Thursday started at 8am and ended at 6ish pm.  I was glad that Friday was a day off; Saturday and standard would come soon enough which it did having me start my first heat at 7am.  I was to dance until 6pm on the last day, longer than any others in our group, and a good 13 hours of dancing and waiting and dancing.

So I readied myself differently for standard than for smooth.  Already expecting an average typical performance, I concentrated not on the things that Yanna was telling me – not intentionally but rather I had my own demons to conquer that day.  Already disgusted by my performance from Thursday morning, and trying to figure out why I always performed so poorly in standard, I had be ruminating for weeks trying to understand how to right the situation and improve my performance.  My conclusion, derived from several sources….Yanna, the judges, my observation of others on the dance floor, etc, was that my dancing was not fluid, lacking foot softness particularly descending from toe to heal, and that my frame was riddled with imperfections resulting from numerous causes that I won’t bore you with to add to the list of defects.  What was decently developed, and not only appreciated by me, but also by Yanna and the judges, was that my steps were large – thank God, but at an expense that was unacceptable.

The other aspect has always been I have always tried the hardest to perform in standard – again putting the edge on my frame and adding to the tenseness and appearance of inflexibility.  At least for this day, I had already acknowledged that I was performing subpar and needed a facelift in my dancing so I came out pretty relaxed in all dances except for V Waltz whose story I have already told.  I actually enjoyed the last V Waltz; I was pushing so hard in the others it was a lost cause from the beginning.

So my main objective was to calm myself, concentrate on my posture and head placement, attempt to stretch and stay tall, look up, but MOSTLY to stay smooth, calm, CONCENTRATE on my feet, rise and fall, soft up, and soft down.  Yanna had already pointed out that I appear to skip the toe to heal soft landing after the chasse, and go toe clunk…..which not only eliminates any soft look but also skew’s the timing off considerably.   So this was my real aim of the day.  Now it is important to say that foot control was not just the day’s agenda, it has been really grating me that I have been unable to control my feet during dance and only recently that my dance partners have commented on the improvements in my ability to do so.   In fact this is one nice comment and compliment from Emi that my foot control and soft movement has improved considerably over time, which I then tried to continue to achieve in our practices and in my own dancing by myself, lessons with Yanna and practice with Sandy.

To me, it is the difference between winning and loosing.  No matter what you can do on the dance floor, if you don’t have soft feet and move fluidly, you are going to lose.  A case in point: at the Hawaii Star Ball this previous year, where I competed with a gentlemen in my age category who was solid and fluid, but his steps were half of mine in distance.  Basically he won all of the waltz heats, and I beat him in other dances. Clearly his fluid motion, even at the expense of distance travelled was the winning ingredient to his success.

Its not that you can translate knowledge into performance, but I nevertheless gave it a try.  My initial waltzes were indeed smoother, but my spin turn was not as dynamic as a result of my altered priorities.  Yanna took note and counseled me to adjust.   It took until the later heats for things to come together and she noted my best dances came during the three dance scholarship dances including my waltz.  Overall I give my self a B to B+ in waltz; I was still not happy with my implementation of the soft fee but it was definitely my best competition performance.

Next, my tango worked most of the day for me; I think Yanna was very happy to see this dance improve finally after so much time in fixing just about anything that could go wrong which did go wrong.  For once, tango finally came together.  I was really happy with the tango, a dance I hated in the past, and one that always had taken me down.  For this to happen, I had to stretch and look up and soften my feet and take big steps and keep straight up and do all these things together which somehow I was able to do….i give myself an A- on this (ok, maybe that is too generous but what the heck).

Viennese Waltz – D+, no more needs to be said.

Foxtrot was next.  I think overall I did my best foxtrots ever in competition, a little nervous at first, but the last few heats were the best.   I remember one heat that resulted in a near collision; when I returned in motion after the forced delay, somehow my body relaxed as if to say that it met the challenge of the congested highway and laying ahead was a clear path, my body and feet calmed to a newfound fluidity never before felt in competition.  My last foxtrot of the day turned out to be my best. Done in the last part of the competition during the open routines, I thought that I would have two other competitors as documented on the heat schedule.  Instead, I found myself the lone competitor, thus having the entire dance floor for my use, free of any possible calamity or collision but also the obvious focus of the entire audience to view or criticize or admire, or laugh about.  In the end, Yanna told me this was my best performance.  I attempted to be fluid and alert, my steps were larger than usual and while now, the usual historical blur of the heat has set in, I remember feeling really good after the dance.  Not perfect but really good.  Give myself a B+ to A-.

Foxtrot has been a hard dance for me to improve in during competition.  Timing of the music, soft feet, large steps, proper technique, pleasant face, etc, etc, all have played a part in the challenge for me. But hey, if I can do it once or twice or three times, there is hope for the future.  I really like international foxtrot but I really hate international foxtrot when I dance it badly, I really hate myself when the steps are small and choppy and it lacks character and my frame is slumping and my head is twisted off of my shoulders abnormally like it was screwed on improperly.  These are grounds for suicide; maybe even by hari-kari.  But on that day, I felt a twinge of happiness that my foxtrot was not the pathetic display of the past; that I indeed had hope for some level of achievement that was in development for the future.

At finally there was quickstep.  So tired with talking about my dancing – already 6 pages - that I have little patience to write about Quickstep.  I like quickstep a lot, have improved my technique considerably but don’t practice it as much as I should or ruminate about it as much as waltz, tango and foxtrot.  And while I expect that my competition performance to be good, I’m always surprised that I uniformly underperform most times in quickstep.  What can I say; I’m getting better but I need to move more accurately than in the past.  My open routine is more difficult and fun, and I even f…..d up the dance steps on the first attempt making it look fractured and disheveled, but I got it right the second time.  Overall, I give myself a B on Quickstep; not bad, not great, but ok and I’m on the right tract…  With QS, you need particularly to keep the left side up after you come down on toe to heal after the lock step which is the bread and butter of my dance routine.  If you don’t keep your left side up as you descend from toe to heal or if you go toe clunk and miss the soft landing, your QS really sucks.  This I believe I am able to do, perhaps not consistently but enough to know when I don’t do it and then to correct it.  I feel pretty good that my QS will continue to improve and overall accept a decent but not great performance at this competition. I give myself a B overall.

Overall the open routines were OK, but not as well executed as the open routine of the smooth.  Right after noon, I had my 3 dance championship with 7 other contenders.   I wasn’t expecting much, but I came in 3^rd.   This was a grand ending to a grand week of dancing; finally some recognition for my standard dancing in a unisex competition event with the rest of the entrants being women.  I really felt great after that accomplishment.   There is hope for me after all.

OK, now to the finale            !  Why was I so inspired at this even?   It wasn’t me, it wasn’t any other student from Divino Ritmo, it was one other student who doesn’t know I exist who I have grown to admire and envy, and one who dances to perfection every time I witness her dancing.  Her name is ………………., a C division dancer meaning she must be 70 or older.   Now I’ve been writing this blog for several hours so my laptop battery is about to give, which will limit my ability to expound on why ………… is so inspiring so I’ll leave you with the short version.

Somehow this 70+ lady dances so well that she blows everyone else out of the water.  She dances smooth, international latin and standard.   She competes in open gold and in the B and C multidance championships.  Her single heat comps are at a B1 level, two tiers down from C.   She is over 70 but she competes with students 2/3rds her age.   Her singleness of purpose, her dance perfection as exhibited on the dance floor and the glaring differences displayed between her performance and others much younger provides me with such a jolt of inspiration that makes me convulse with admiration. 

I don’t know why …………. is so good, how long she has been competing, why she dances, or anything about her.   She doesn’t dance a million heats, she is not there day and night dancing, but comes in to do her job and leaves.  She is serious in demeanor and appears a no nonsense dance perfection machine.  Its hard to believe that she can dance so well the international latin dances with all of the body movements and flexibility and quick feet, and then come back to dance standard with a perfectly crafted frame, free of any unnecessary movement or hiccups, her head and frame perfectly placed and seemingly effortlessly as she glides with her dance instructor across the dance floor.    And while she is attractive and always meticulously dressed, she is not a raging beauty; her dance skills speak for themselves.  She certainly cannot compete with some of the younger women in terms of appearance….she get no free passes in that category.  What you have on the contrary is someone who is so much better a dancer that leaves judges little to decide when she is competing.  Even to the novice observer, she dances so much better than anyone in her league - it leaves the audience in awe.

For me, I’ve had an acculturation experience over these last two years since beginning competition.  Almost embarrassed to be on the competition dance floor from the start, I have been happy with a modest degree of success and achievement. I have not had any killer instinct about this, what I started is an experimental avocation, and an appealing pastime, to allow me to explore another avenue in my life, provide me skills to dance socially with my favorite dance partners, and open me up to new challenges that converts me from teacher to student, from someone who has enjoyed status and position to nobody special.

It seems like I’ve just broken through this sense of ambivalence.  I am not sure, but I feel energized to proceed in a different direction.  I feel that I no longer want to accept imperfection but want to get as far as I can get in my dancing before my body really fails me as a major goal in Chapter 4 of my life.  Its not enough for me to do OK, I need to focus all of my efforts, if even for a while on excelling in my dancing.  This is indeed a new trend in my being, one that I’m not entirely sure is authentic but nevertheless a temporary exhilaration.  I hope that it is serious but time will only tell.   Anyway, I have left the competition with a renewed sense of purpose, not willing to accept the achievements of the past as adequate but rather formulating a plan for the future to accelerate the pace of achievement and set goals – hopefully doable – that will take me to my full capacity.  Stay tuned for more words in the near future.