Christmas 2013

and also Merry Christmas - or whatever your heart desires...

Humans experience death at the bookends of life.  Otherwise, medical specialties like Neonatology and Geriatrics would not exist.  As a practicing neonatologist, I had my fill of managing the death of hundreds of sick newborn infants during the first few weeks/months of life.  But now I belong to Geriatrics on the other side of the fence.  I will be the one who will die sometime – soon? - with Geriatricians? Or other health care professionals calling the shots.

At 7, I was barely cognizant of my existence.  I lived for the day in selfish pursuit of food, comfort, toys, attention and love.  Christmas was pure bliss.

At 37, I had reached the pinnacle of my existence and career: with family (including parents and in-laws), with home, with youth, with hope and aspirations and everything flowing our way.  Focused on the future, while distracted by responsibilities of the day but never looking back.  Christmas was an ambivalent mixed plate.

At 67, as my story has unfolded with several curve balls, my wife deceased (and most everyone else has passed except for my three sisters and two children), and my children living their separate lives - my family life has progressively dissolved into a vague romanticized memory.  I am again striving to live for the day, understanding that I have been given a pass on the first 67 years on earth while eagerly fighting for the next day of life on a road that is filled with bumps and blind curves - circumspectly dreading its immanent end.  Christmas – at least this year is a joie de vivre. 

I cannot remember the last Christmas that I did not travel to California to be with either of my children or to New York with my sisters.  Christmas is something to experience with family and I would always feel the warmth and joy of being surrounded by my children or sisters, nieces and nephews and my grand children. 

But today I am surprisingly content; writing this essay with Little bird perched on my shoulder in an empty house.  I have a plan for the day, a walk in Waikiki to look at the sea and the assortment of international tourists, time to rest and read my present novel, maybe even a nap and then Christmas dinner with one of my two best friends in the world and his family.

The last few days were made special by attending two church services, one at the Cathedral, St Andrews, and the other one at the Kawaiaha`o church.   Also attended a surprisingly well-done buffet concert at the Ala Moana Hotel with the Makaha Son’s three days ago that was filled with Christmas.

The world has indeed been kind to me, giving me most of what I have asked for.  It has fulfilled my needs and fantasies to make me respect the wisdom of the saying…watch what you wish for, you know you just might get it.