I looked everywhere but couldn’t find a picture to serve in a last farewell to my good friend Barry Bassik. Taking pictures in the 60’s was a real chore, Kodak film, careful to not overexpose, drop off to process, wait for much too long to develop and hope for the best. I have a million pictures but none that I can find from high school. I’m sure I could find some in the West Hempstead High School yearbook of 1964 – the year we graduated, but locating my yearbook, now 62 years old proved unsuccessful. I also remembered seeing a class picture at the foot of the Washington Monument on our Senior Trip to Washington DC also in 1964, but I likewise failed to relocate it. But while a picture might serve the readers of this writing, I continue to possess a vivid mental image of my good friend Barry as a towering teenager buried deep enough but not too deep in my aging brain.
A few inches taller than me, he was big and strong, he walked with purpose, never bashful to exert his will on the football field or on the street, or to right any wrong. Happily, I never worried about being bullied when Barry was around because he always had my back. Part of a strange quartet of friends that included me – a Christian Arab, Sid – a Christian who was the handsome jock of the group, and Barry and Phil who were both Jewish. I truly do not remember what brought us together in high school, but I remember walking home often from high school with Barry at one side while he was inhaling deeply on his camel cigarette like he knew what he was doing.
The foursome participated in a lot of tomfoolery during those later high school years that are too embarrassing and puerile to detail. Indeed, Barry was probably one of the least enthusiastic participants in the pranks and behavioral deviations, while I was not so guiltless. Barry was clearly the most mature, moral and responsible member of the group. By virtue of his size and high moral standing, he could and did veto many of the activities that might have been problematic with the law and probably saved us on numerous occasions from getting into hot water with our families. I’m absolutely certain this moral high ground had a positive impact on my life, both at the time and over the next 2/3rds of a century.
We were interested in having fun, girls, beer, but NOT drugs! I don’t remember how much but we did drink alcohol, but we were not crazy drunks or known to cause or condone any serious personal or community damage. The quartet was a loose band of comrades whose goal was solidarity and to share happy moments. We were not part of the high school intelligentsia. We were average students with uncertain futures who spent time together at school functions, at private parties, at sporting events, at home, at the beach, etc, etc. Moreover, Barry spent time at my home, knew my mother and sister, and was always a gentleman and a loyal friend despite my mother’s inability to communicate - speaking only about 100 words of English.
We seldom dwelled on our lives beyond high school. And for a stretch we lost touch with one another after high school until our careers were set, partners chosen, and children born. Accordingly, I was very happy to discover that Barry’s post high school years were focused and motivated. In the end, Barry ended up with a law degree, and I finished my educational journey with an MD degree.
Over the next half century, Barry spent his life on Long Island while I departed the state for college, medical school, residency, fellowship and my final resting place in Honolulu. We were 5–6-hour times zones apart from one another. Still - Barry and I rekindled our friendship by communicating by email, by phone, visiting intermittently (Barry never came to Hawaii), at dinner and even as weekend guests at his home. During this most recent period of our friendship, I referred a few relatives to him for help with legal matters. Once he and Elaine met us at the Edison Ballroom in NYC for an elegant four course meal and ballroom dancing in a venue that was intended to replace the Rainbow Room atmosphere that no longer existed for common folks to attend. I was very pleased that they made the effort to come, although I couldn’t get Barry and Elaine on the dance floor.
During our conversations, we talked about life; Barry had too many medical problems but held a positive spirit of someone who sees life’s blessings as a cup half full rather than half empty. His life was further spirited, bolstered and supported when he married a wonderful woman and life partner, Elaine. And he was ALWAYS positive no matter how many failed surgeries he experienced to fix his heart and major blood vessels. He always greeted me with warmth and appreciation; he always gave me a hug when said goodbye. We talked about our various medical ailments, family matters, politics. Nothing seemed out of bounds. Barry was my only real friend from high school whose friendship endured the test of time. I loved the man! And he loved me.
Barry loved to work but no matter how many times I called or when I called during his work hours, Barry always had time for me. The last few years I could hear his voice weakening but he never complained. His weight dropped and I could sense that his lifeblood was slowly draining and I sensed the inevitable. However, I was shocked when I received the text from Elaine, and to this day, I cannot believe that Barry has departed the world of the living.
Barry lived life to the fullest. He was the best son, husband, father, friend and I imagine colleague that anyone could have. He was a truly loyal and good human, always there to listen and always wanting to do the right thing in life, for himself, for his family for his friends and for humanity. My girlfriend of 25 year remarked that Barry always had a smile on his face and had this wonderful, comforting voice. Barry had a way of making us feel more at ease, more at home, and happier to be with one another. I will truly miss my lifelong friend Barry Bassik.
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